It’s the dramas in life, the story we tell ourselves and each other that get us entangled and stuck. A conflict, whether with yourself or another, is a variation on this theme. It’s an entanglement. Some people, addicted to drama, seek out conflict.
It feeds their passion and makes them feel alive and strong. Others like conflict especially if they win. They see conflict as a means of honing their skills and thrive by gaining attention – by winning at no matter what cost and to whom.
A great coaching question I learned from another coach to help clarify intent when your client feels caught in a conflict, is
“Is it more important to you to be right, or is it more important to you to be happy?”
That question stops people in their tracks and helps them see the motivations behind their action. Once a choice is made between “right” and “happy” I will know how to coach them.
Most of my coaching clients care more about being happy than right….I suspect those that choose right, may not be coachable, but they may be trainable because they do want to win….the question is “at what cost” and “to whom”?
Those that choose “happy” as their primary value in the situation have chosen to align themselves with their heart – with what feels right for them – what brings them peace and harmony.
In this month’s edition I share 7 Steps to Transformation.